Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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