HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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