A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
