i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
