you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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