if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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