Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
