Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
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