does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
