Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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