He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
