She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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