Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
