"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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