She's JV to your varsity
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
