His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
