I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Randomize
