he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
