I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
