Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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