dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
no, he came in my armpit
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have already put on my inside pants.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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