PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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