she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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