none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
