I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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