so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
