hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
