Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
