addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
