I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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