this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
