well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
