I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
