I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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