people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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