true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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