living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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