bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
