Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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