It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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