I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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