so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
