Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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