Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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