Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
