Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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