Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
