if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
