I just pynch a tree in the face
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
