Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
