During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
