$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
