All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
