I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
