what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
MIDGETS
????
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
