So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
