I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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