i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize