you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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