You can't special order awesome
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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