bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
