i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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