im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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