Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
