know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
