Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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