Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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