I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
