Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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