bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
